The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
