He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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