I am in a vortex of obligation.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
