That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
