I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
