I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just found puke in my bra..
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
