If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
