new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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