Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Maybe he injected his testicle?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
