Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
