At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
