How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
