I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
