Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
