your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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