Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
