Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
