He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
