I want to have your abortion
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
