"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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