If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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