two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
