this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
