you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
There was a lot of him and a little penis
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
