After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
