Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Randomize