But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm passing your future prison.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
