problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
