The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
