I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
PS: I just woke up from my shower
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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