Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I have feelings that need drinking.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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