hotel room ftw
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
