oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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