im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
