I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
