What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
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Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
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Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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