my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
