so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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