Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
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I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
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He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
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