Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
