chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
