I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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