And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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