I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
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I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
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I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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