yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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