Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Rumble strips road head = magical
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
