the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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