? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
