I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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