I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
