I bet he comes in French.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
