so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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