just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
