naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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