You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
