we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
