you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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