is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
