Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
