anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
