i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
