WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
