just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
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Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
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we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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