I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
