Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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