I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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