You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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