Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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