using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
