I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
