my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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