Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
