just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
