Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
