god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
