Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
