Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
