I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
