it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
