It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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