My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
